My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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