he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
