I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I understand Curling. That high.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
