You made me cry and you don't even care
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
