This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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