I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
