The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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