i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
