so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
