I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
