That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
