Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
