she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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