My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
