We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
