i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
