I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize