I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
