absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
