i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
