you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
