It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
