The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize