i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Randomize
