franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
