jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
