please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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