Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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