why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
