Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
