I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
