what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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