somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
