Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
