I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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