I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
