he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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