He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
two words: eviction party
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
