I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
