went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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