did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MIDGETS
????
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
