benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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