yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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