just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
