nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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