u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize