Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
