I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
