So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
