Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they're like a gay fantastic four
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
