just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
