I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
