So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
