So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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