fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
