dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
