this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bring money and cleavage
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
