I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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