Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
