I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
