3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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