fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize