the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
