I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
