Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
