We named our party play list daddy issues
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
