We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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