Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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